This video is very powerful: “Overcome Your Negative Emotions,” by Tony Robbins. It’s an hour long video but for those who prefer to read, I tried to write down the general basis of the message he is sharing.
Learn to live in a way with very little pain and a ton of pleasure. The way you live should also cause other people around you to feel pleasure and very little pain.
We talk to ourselves in certain ways, with negative emotions. If you wanted to feel depressed right now, I bet you could. If you wanted to focus on what you’re afraid of, you could feel sad. Think of something in the past that made you feel bad, then remember it again and feel bad about it once again. WHY would you go back there? I believe in you, I know you know better. Most producers I know don’t sit and watch their worst movies, over and over again. They learn from it and create something better. Time to move on. There is always ways to feel bad; think about something that hasn’t even happened yet and you can feel bad about it in advance. Think about something that you wish you had but don’t have – you can feel bad about it right now.
Remember a coward dies a thousand deaths; a courageous man or woman dies only once. The coward runs it through their minds 8 million times and it feels like death; the courageous one knows that if it happens they will deal with it. Feel the pain once, instead of stacking it over and over again.
The questions you ask yourself, determines what you focus on. This is controlled by your beliefs.
We have to ask better questions. Next time you are upset, ask yourself what else could this mean? Maybe what I heard wasn’t true, maybe this person heard through someone else or maybe I’m stressed. Maybe what this really means is…
You are only upset when you create a meaning to something that upsets you. Search for other possibilities. It could mean – nothing.
Pay attention to emotions. Fear, rejection, hate, anger, guilt, worry, frustration. No way are they negative, they serve a purpose. Get the message it is trying to give you. Emotional messages like fear are calls to action. Every emotion is a message. You need to change your perception or your call to action. What’s making it negative is, you aren’t getting the message it is trying to give you. Don’t indulge in the emotion. Negative emotions say “CHANGE SOMETHING.” Appreciate your emotions, but ask yourself what is the message? “Do I need to change my perception or my actions?”
- Most of us suppress our emotions: We avoid them and it’s not effective. Most people try to avoid feeling. Life is expressing and feeling. Sometimes people have so much pain that they want to feel nothing.
- We endure them: We tell ourselves that we’ll try to make it through this but it doesn’t work.
- Compete to see who feels the worse: They keep track of their emotions and compete with other people. “Check out my problem”…
- Share their pain/problem: I can get rid of my emotion by sharing it with others; we can share in the pain together.
You don’t want to avoid them, endure them, compete with someone else, or share them. Learn from them and utilize them. Change the meaning. When we change what something means we transform our emotion.
If I’m angry I don’t have to communicate that. If I changed the meaning of it, would I still be angry? No. I transform my feeling, I’m not suppressing it, I transform it. Suppression is keeping the same meaning, you just try and stop the emotion. This is when you get in trouble. Go to the source and get them to help you transform it… “This is what I made up in my head but I know that’s not what you meant, can you help me out?”…
What someone else does cannot make you feel something. You have a right to feel the way you feel but you chose to make yourself feel that way, that’s how you communicated it to yourself.
The one person who can change your life is you. Don’t just express and vent. It doesn’t make communication better. You want to transform what things mean. Take the emotions you are experiencing and change them quickly.
6 steps: Emotional messages or calls to action (negative emotions).
Change something (perception or action).
Identify what the emotion is: Upset? What am I really feeling?
“I’m feeling hurt”…use some TV (transformational vocabulary).
I’m destroyed vs. I’m feeling a little bit hurt.
Hurt or loss (emotions usually come down to this).
Acknowledge and appreciate the message it has for you.
Get incredibly curious as to what it has to offer you: What is the message? What is the real message this emotion is giving me?
Get yourself to feel reassured you can deal with this emotion: Remember a time when you have dealt with this emotion successfully in the past.
If you feel depressed that’s pretty negative, change it to you’re feeling a little bit down.
What are you really feeling? That’s a message – what’s the message?
For depression, the message is that you have to reset your priorities; you’re feeling out of control. Re set your priorities and start doing one thing at a time. Have you ever felt depressed in the past? Remember what you did in the past and how you dealt with it and turn it around.
Get certain that you can handle anything like this in the future: Rehearse yourself dealing with this in the future and use this as a tool of empowerment. What problems can come up in the future? See yourself dealing with it over and over. When it comes up in the future your brain will know you can deal with it. Your brain can not tell the difference between something you vividly imagine and something that actually occurs. If you rehearse yourself dealing with something over and over again, your brain gets use to it.
Take action and change your life: Do something! You feel bad because you’re not doing anything.
Step 1: Identify what the emotion really is: Disappointment… Is that different then rejection? Yes. It’s not as intense as rejection. Use a softener: “I was a little bit disappointed.”
Step 2. Acknowledge and appreciate the message: Change your perception or actions.
Step 3. Get curious: We learn better when were curious.
Step 4. Remember a time you have felt this emotion before, turn it around and use it to your advantage.Change your perception.
Remember how good it feels to get rid of the feeling.
Step 5. Get certain you can handle this in the future: Remember where you could be disappointed in the future. Close your eyes and think about when you start to feel rejected or disappointed, and picture yourself handling it. Notice how good you feel when you handle it. Feel and see yourself handling it.
Step 6. Take action and change it.
Emotions: 9 Emotions and What They Mean
Fear: The message is you need to change something. Every negative emotion means you need to change something. In perception or what you’re doing. Prepare!!!! Prepare for what’s about to happen. Shut the emotion off and get ready. Prepare for something – loss that’s coming. Get prepared and let your brain know, “Okay I’m prepared move on.”
Hurt: An expectation that you had that wasn’t met. Focus on what you want now, don’t keep focusing on how someone disappointed you or why they hurt you. Change your expectation or your communication. Hurt means I need to communicate my needs better or I need to meet someone else’s needs. Move on past your expectation.
Anger: A major rule has been violated. We all have rules on how things should be. You can also be angry because you violated your own rules and then we get angry with ourselves and blame others.
Frustration: What you’re doing isn’t working. You can still succeed but something needs to change.
Disappointment: You expected something to happen and it’s not going to. Focus on what you can do now. Move on and let go.
Guilt: A powerful emotion. Don’t indulge in them; stop focusing on the feeling and get the message. You violated one of your own standards so do something immediately so you don’t do it again. Don’t violate your values, make sure you won’t do it again. The message is saying get clear you broke your own rules and get certain you won’t do it again. Can your standards be too high? Absolutely! Example: “I feel bad I wasn’t with my kids on Halloween.”… We all have rules. “I want everyone happy all the time, I want to make 8 billion a year, etc.” The feedback is sometimes saying you have unfair rules for yourself. Maybe you need to remember if you have less rules, you have less anger.
Depressed or Helpless: You’re over chunked. You can’t change everything in your life at one time, re prioritize. What’s most important for you? What can you do right away to feel better and take control? Go do the first one on the list, take action. You will start to feel in control of your life when you do one thing – good.
Feeling Alone: A message that you need to connect with people. Change your perception; go out and be more loving. It means you need to connect with another human being.
Inadequate: Master this area. Change your standards. How many people were great the first day you ever tried to tie your shoes? Anything you do over and over again, you get good at. You won’t be perfect right at the start.